They were called next to check in their bags. The mom unsuccessfully tried to get her kids to move with her to the ticket counter. My day dream about motherhood is interrupted by her yelling at her kids to get off the luggage. Now at this point, everyone has been standing on line for at least 30 minutes. I look around to see the annoyed shift in weight and watch-glancing from the rest of the line. The mom finally ushers her kids to the ticket counter. She's trying to hand over passports and get their tickets while her kids are jumping from the top of one piece of luggage to the next. I look up to the sky and plead with God to ignore that silly day dream I had about dragging my kids all around the world.
Everyone on the line looks like they are watching a tennis match- and a second ticket person is unsuccessfully trying to get the kids to get off the luggage so she can check it in. After about 10 minutes this circus is over, and the lady starts walking away calling for her kids to follow. She's half way to the security check point when I spot one of her kids swinging from the door that you put the bags through to check them in. Now- I didn't want to be involved in this, but she was missing a kid, and it still wasn't my turn, and everyone on line is acting like they don't see this- so I'm about the call after her when the ticket person spies the little tyke just as he's about to jump onto the conveyor belt that takes the luggage to who knows where.
Deep breath- I'm glad that's over. I return to my place of peace and solitude as I make my way towards the gate. I'm right on schedule and am giving myself a pat on the back when I see this same little family sitting at my gate. They are now joined by the father who is feeding them pieces of a banana as they climb over each other scaling the glass wall that looks out onto the runway.
I'm reminded of a comedy routine I saw when the comedian was joking about sitting on the airplane mentally sizing up every person that walks by either hoping they do or do not sit in the seat next to them. What are the chances that I'm stuck sitting next to this family? There's a good 100 people in this flight. That's a 1/100 chance right? Or is it 4/100 because there's 4 of them? I wish I was better at probability.
Lightening striking, winning the lotto, my name being picked for a contest- none of those things have happened to me, but I did win a 5 hour flight to Latin America next to oblivious mom and dad and their 2 little monkeys! Me, mom, and monkey number 1 were seated together, while dad and monkey # 2 were seated behind us.
For the first hour, the boys were literally climbing back and forth over the seats. This made me very dizzy so I closed my eyes and tried to think happy thoughts. It was hard to go into a peaceful slumber when every 10 seconds mom is yelling at the boys to stop, but not actually doing anything about it. Time for the Ipod. I take a deep breath and I'm one song in, when mom taps me on the shoulder because they need to use the bathroom. I get up, give a "it's no problem" smile and hope the kid falls into the toilet.
Breakfast is being served and I'm hoping this quiets down my seat mates for a bit. I was pleasantly surprised by the spread offered by Air Mexicana. I make another affirmation to not let anything bother me and dig into my meal (the only source of joy at that moment) Here's how the next few minutes unfolded.
Me- (blissfully eating)
Mom- "no you can't do that!" "no, let me cut it for you!" "sit back down!"
Me- deep sigh
Mom- "oh no! "oh no"
Dad- "Is everything OK?"
Mom- No!!! give me the barf bag!
Dad- (not really registering the urgency in moms voice) slowly bends down looking for the barf bag.
Me- (thinking)- really???
Mom- "it's too late!"
Monkey #1- vomiting
Mom- "oh no oh no!"
Then it gets eerily quite for this little group. I'm wondering what mom is doing with her back turned away from me.
A few minutes later, I'm trying to get the rest of my breakfast down when mom taps me on my shoulder and says they need to use the bathroom again. I look down at my tray which is open and holding my meal, water, and coffee. I'm not sure what she wants me to do. She sees the problem and says "never mind, I'll just put it right here". I'm not sure what she's talking about, so I look down and see a baggie full of vomit at my feet. She laughs and says, "hopefully that won't spill!" I'm utterly repulsed and put my fork down.
I really didn't want to pull out the big guns so early on in my travels, but I'm left with no choice but to pop a Dramamine and mentally escape from this nightmare.
Thank fully another 2 hours pass while I'm comatose. Apparently while I was out, mom had the kid remove all his clothes so she could wash the puke off in the bathroom. I groggily woke up to the puker standing in moms seat, leaning onto mine, with a huge smile on his face. I gave a courtesy smile back and shifted my weigh to get more comfortable. The kid turned around and there in my face was his bare behind. I jumped up, shocked to see his wee wee, and looked for mom. She was no where to be seen. She left me alone with naked boy. Since mom was gone, I was his source of entertainment. He was leaning on me, playing with my hair, and jumping from seat to seat. I gave a "help me!" look to dad, but he was busy reading the paper. This was a pretty uncomfortable situation.
I was pretty sure mom was going to be embarrassed to find her naked son using my lap as a trampoline. When she arrived back at our seats, I was getting ready to convincingly tell her "it's no problem, please don't worry about it, naked little boys jump on my lap all the time!" But instead of apologizing for this awkward situation, she said, "You know, I thought I brought everything I needed for this trip" (then she laughs). Normally I would do a fake laugh back to show I understand and can relate to what she is saying, but instead I give her a look of death and use all of my energy to tell her she shouldn't be worrying about what she didn't pack, she should never have left her house...period.
