Church is for lovers

As promised- I visited the holy land today. I've been nervous, a wreck all week knowing that I committed to a Sunday morning. Part of the anxiety I realized, was not the act of going to church (I grew up in one), but what I might feel when I got there. As hard as it is to "get back to the gym" it's even harder to make yourself get something out it if. I am not one of those people who call themselves vegetarians because they just don't like meat. I've sat in church, this one in particular, thousands of times. Here's what it looks like:

1. I look around to see if there is anyone there from my childhood whom I would be embarrassed, if they recognized me after all these years, because I didn't take a shower.

2. The songs start, I try to sing along, but end up yawning uncontrollably

3. Pastor begins speaking

4. Me- looking through the bulletin for something interesting to read

5. Pastor- still speaking

6. Me- Still looking

7. Pastor- please stand and greet your neighbor on this beautiful Sunday morning

8. Me- "yes!" I actually love this part. It makes me feel like I'm a real church goer. "Good morning, no...peace be with you!" I could be a pastor.

9. Back to that bulletin

10. Pastor- "and now onto our message"

11. Me- Ok Michelle, here it comes. The reason you got up this morning. The answer to your souls restlessness.

12. Pastor- "God is like..."

13. Me- Did I finish that lesson plan yesterday? Why do I feel skinnier today than yesterday. Think Michelle, what did you do to feel skinny today? We have to do it again tomorrow! FOCUS!!!!!!!!

14. Pastor- "If you make God your..."

15. Me- He said, "If you make God your every... season?" See I am paying attention. Cue the music: "all the leaves are brownnnnnnn, and the sky is grey, I went for a walk, on this winters day!"

Hopeless

I've been failing at this for so long, because I was trying to be a fake vegetarian. I would go to church because my mom wants her children there (we know she really means heaven). My sister J and I do anything to hang out. She'll call and be like "want to go to church tomorrow?!" Like it's a coffee shop. We usually end up playing in the nursery with her kids for the service.

Today though- was different. I had a purpose. My eternal happiness was at stake! If a video camera was filming me throughout the service, you would have seen this:

*Me taking deep breaths

*Me resting my head on the wall

*Me silently reprimanding myself

*Me enthusiastically nodding my head in agreement

*Me smiling

*Me laughing at anything that resembled a joke

*Me looking up thinking "you're seeing this right?"

*Me thoroughly impressed by the pastor's use of visual aids, and audience interaction. Did he teach elementary education?

And like that- it was over.

It's amazing how focused you can be when you realize the gym can save your soul.

Namaste